Posted by Phoenix West Rotary "West Side Story"

Golfing Toward Confession

A man went to the confessional. “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.”

"What is your sin, my son?” the priest asked.

"Well,” the man started, “I used some horrible language this week, and I feel absolutely terrible.”

"When did you use this awful language?” asked the priest.

"I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 250 yards, but it struck a power line that was hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about a hundred yards.”

"Is that when you swore?”

"No, Father. After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in his mouth and began to run away.”

"Is that when you swore?”

"Well, no. You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons, and flew away!”

"Is that when you swore?” asked the amazed priest.

"No, not yet. As the eagle carried the squirrel away in his claws, it flew toward the green. And as it passed over a bit of forest near the green, the squirrel dropped my ball.”

"Did you swear then?”

"No, because as the ball fell it struck a tree, bounced through some bushes, careened off a big rock, and rolled through a sand trap onto the green and stopped within six inches of the hole.”

The priest sighed, “You missed the putt, didn't you?”

***************

It's Black Friday and the mall is packed with shoppers and Steve can't find his wife. Steve goes up to a very attractive woman and says 'Excuse me, can you help me? I cannot see my wife, and I know that she is here in the shopping mall somewhere. Can you just talk to me for a couple of minutes?" The attractive woman replies "Why?" Steve replies "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife materializes out of thin air.”

***************

Two sorority sisters were shopping on Black Friday and run into each other. When they started to discuss their home lives, one said, "Seems like all Mike and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset I've lost 20 pounds.” "Why don't you just leave him then?" asked her sorority sister. "Oh! Not yet." the first replied, "I'd like to lose at least another fifteen more pounds first."